Aftermath
by HappinessIsAWarmScalpel
Summary: yeah this is dumb and gay and psuedo-thorki but not really
1. Chapter 1

Something tugs tightly on his sore, raw throat and he finds himself doing something very unlike him-a spring of tears well up at his eyes and he rubs them away with a grunt to himself. It's a sort of bitter sadness that takes hold of him and even with her careful hands clasped tightly to his arm he is unable to draw this pain back out. It's like he's choking and she can see it and simply grips his arm tighter. He does not notice very much and the drops of water drip down. She's taken aback by the out of character outlet of emotion-compared to smashing things, however, it's preferable, but simply rubs his back for him, saying nothing.

It's not the way he looks at him when he apologizes to his brother-it's how the words come out of his mouth like a spilling brook and how those words are not something which has ever been uttered in such a broken tone. It's the contrast between this look on his pallid, graying face and grin he gives the Midgardian girl his brother found so close to his heart. It had been the first time in a very long time since he had seen his brother smile and seen the light back in his eyes in a benevolent way comparatively-and the raven-haired man even gave him a smile or two, a sincere one even. It may not have been completely, but there was a hint of the trickster behind those glinting eyes and he knew them very well. It's the fact that he had to close his brother's eyes on his own and the fact that he is gone. For good.

It isn't some magic trick on his part, and as much as he would like to believe it very well could be he cannot. He simply can't give himself the hope he knows cannot be true; having Jane be fine and alive and well because of his brother is something precious in and of itself and he's thankful for it. Loki died for him and he knows it and appreciates it more than any act of cruelty the man had put him through. They were indeed brothers to the end and Thor thinks on that frequently.

He dreams of him, once. It is a dark dream, one of the moment of his death yet again and he is the one to die instead and when he wakes up he wishes that were indeed how it went; though he knows how bad a fate that could bode for the rest of the kingdom. They balance each other out; he has Jane for that now. That doesn't change that he sometimes happens upon things which remind him of both Loki and Frigga and it almost brings him to tears again. Instead of the tears he wills himself to keep them within and relaxes his weary form.

He wishes that these thoughts would just leave him already as they grow to be tiresome. He would like nothing more than to move on but he simply cannot and he is still afflicted by the pain which came along with that day, those days where it all went wrong. His father is of no help and simply gives him stern comments over nothing in particular, seeing as he is the All-father there is not much him to discuss with a son who has given up the throne in exchange for self-betterment. He snaps at him and simply gets himself chastised with no mother to vouch for him. She dulled so much of his cruelty and it has become quite obvious now that she is not there. His main message is simply to move on and avoid this thought any longer, to avoid thinking of the dead so often, and that makes him absolutely furious. His fury is taken out on a pair of unfortunate training dummies and he feels if only slightly, better. That doesn't change that the pain is still ever present and he fears it will always be there.

He visits Jane often and she is a comfort enough; the way she smells and her hair and her eyes make his own eyes light up. He looks at her the way one would look at a wife of many years and it is something she can't help but blush at. She hides it well, though, stubborn as she is, and their visits are generally too brief for either's real satisfaction, though there are ones of surprising length-and that allows them time to do as they please, as people and even gods are want to do.

It's nearly three months before anyone finds out his true status, and Thor is the first to know out of any others. He curses himself for being too naive to even let himself think those thoughts and as such, takes responsibility.


	2. Chapter 2

Leaving Jane in her world to her own devices, now he moves to confront his brother. If there is any time which suits this, it's now and he knows it for himself to be true. This is a job he leaves for himself because it's as simple as that; he caused it and thusly is responsible. It isn't out of malice for his brother or out of hatred but merely out of pain that he comes to see him. He approaches where the guards have placed him for the time being, seeing as the prison is in dire need of rebuilding. The palace itself is still stiffly guarded even after the confusion and chaos of the war which nearly decimated their population and as such the guards give Thor a sort of glare. He dispels it easily, as his prerogative is of much higher need than these guards' image of him. He is no king, after all.

Those eyes lock onto him right away and those lips pull into a sly smile. It's not the usual smile of coy deception which he offers Thor, rather, it's more a smile of condescension directed upon his brother. His heels clicking on the ground as he approaches the slender man, Thor himself narrows his eyes to look him up and down-it is no easy feat, seeing the state Loki let his pride fall to. He may have been dressed properly, especially compared to the memory of him the blond held from before the fight-hair strewn about and eyes defensive and cruelly staring him down, saying 'judge me if you will' which so contrasted his personality. This is a different stare of disdain on his face. This is one of humor. Humor, an expression not long for this world when it's graced upon Loki's visage and that's how it's always been. It never lasts very long and Thor could count on his hands how many times he had seen that face of humor over the years. It's not a look of delight in cruelty but one of delight in trickery.

The apologies offered to him were not real, and Thor knows that now. That, however, does not mean he cannot draw the memory out and clench his fist tightly.

"And here he is," says the silver tongue he's known for, and his brother's brows furrow tightly. It's not a voice he's expected to hear again and the first emotion he feels is surprising: relief. "the one who rejects his birthright."

"Do not test me," He responds with a gruff frown, bringing a hand up to rub at his chin in thought. "I thought you to be dead. What is the point of such a trick? To delude the nation into thinking you to be some... martyr? Those kinds of lies do not become you. There happen to be plenty other lies which do."

"You knew you would be found out in due time." He adds, clenching the hand at his side around Mjolnir's handle. The look on Loki's face faces then, and he gives a shrug, making the guards reassert their positions. Thor looks the two guards down and they relax somewhat, locking their eyes on the prisoner instead. A smile returns on the raven-haired man's lips and it does not reach his eyes.

"What difference does it make? You know how I feel about power," He chuckles, mimicking his brother's pose in mockery, almost-but it isn't quite the way he would normally. It's diluted, it seems, and he returns to his previous pose in moments. Perhaps he does not think Thor would notice, but he does. Time has made him more observant and it shows here-his eyes roving the man. "you, better than anyone, know how I feel about power."

"You achieved nothing. You would have won my respect were you to stand and return with me-but that isn't what you want," Loki's mouth flattens into a neutral expression. "you want something else. Mother's death awoke something in you. I know not what it is, but it is there. I cannot help but to question; what do you believe it is that drove you?"

It isn't a surprise to Loki that his brother brings that up; Frigga has been a touchy subject for all the kingdom since the moment she was sent off. He plays it off with a lift of his brow. "I know not what it is either, brother. Perhaps it is rage? I'm quite popular with it, as of late. It wouldn't be much of a surprise on my behalf."

Rage. That is a good point. "Perhaps it is." The pair falls silent for moments, eyes meeting momentarily. It is not one of their pregnant, uncomfortable silences, rather it is a solemn one of mutual concern. Thor did not usually concede a thought so quickly, and it feels somewhat baffling to the raven-haired man that he was even able to do so.

"...I pray you do not misunderstand my concern for you." Thor speaks up after a few minutes of simply thinking to himself wordlessly, looking aside. "I thought you dead. Gone. I should not have doubted your abilities to come back despite anything." The blond offers a smirk and receives one in return.

"You know me." Loki retorts, giving a faint grin.


End file.
